Be Healed

[At the center of Britain, a long trail of wagons winds out into the
fringes; merchants and families and wagons all moving in the same
direction.  Away.  On one side of the main street the Britannian
Archives slips into the void, quickly replaced by a large yellow and
blue house labeled "Blockbuster."  Several people stop long enough to
look the new arrival over, but then rejoin the caravan heading for the
safety of other lands.  Standing on the walk opposite the strange
building, Iolo and Shamino shout to the passers by.  Each waves his
arms as he speaks, trying his best to get the attention of someone who
can help.]

Excuse me, citizen, have you seen the Avatar today?

Citizen, can you help us in locating the Avatar?

Pardon, but can you help me locate the Avatar?

Have you seen the Avatar, m'lady?

[The crowd remains largely unresponsive; the two companions exchange a
frustrated look as they continue to flag people down.  Shamino
clutches one by the arm, squeezing it gently as he speaks.]

Pardon me, but can you-

[The woman looks at Shamino accusingly.]

Are you mad, ranger?  It is not time to go hunting for the Avatar!
The Avatar cannot help us in the middle of ... of ... this!

[Pointing at the Blockbuster, the woman mutters and yanks herself free
of Shamino's grasp.  Brushing his hair back, he looks over at Iolo
with an expression of hopelessness.]

This isn't working.  We won't find anyone at this rate.  In fact,
we'll probably get punched before we get an answer.

[Iolo nods, watching as the flow of people increases.]

If we're going to get their attention, this isn't the way to do it.
We need to do something to surprise them.  We need to do something
that ... is as impressive ... as ...

[Suddenly, Iolo looks down to his side.  Reaching beneath his cloak,
he produces his crossbow and speaks softly.]

Step back, Shamino.

[Shamino stares at the weapon, then at Iolo.]

What are you going to do?

[Iolo coughs, speaking under his breath.]

Just ... step ... back.  I have an idea.

[Shamino frowns, grabs Iolo on the arm.]

Iolo, no offense, but usually when you get ideas it ends with us
getting lashed to rocks, or to trees, or just getting lashed in
general.  I've never once seen you come up with an idea that actually
saved us from a-

[Iolo nudges Shamino back with the crossbow, smiling.]

You never saw me hit a target dead on, either, did you?

[Shamino pauses, closes his mouth, and shrugs.]

Good enough.

[Iolo deftly hops up onto a nearby wagon, motioning to the crowd with
his crossbow as he speaks.]

Attention, all!  ATTENTION!  I was wondering if-

[The crowd moving behind the wagon pauses; the cart itself also slows
to a crawl, as its driver looks back to see a man standing on the back
rail.  Iolo holds his weapon up, speaking clearly to his newfound
audience.]

I was wondering if I might have a moment!

[The crowd chitters.]

"For a moment, until we run you over!"

[Iolo smiles, pointing to the voice even as he ignores its comment.]

My name ... is Iolo.  Iolo Fitzowen!

[The collective group screams at once.]

"CROSSBOW!"  "IOLO!"  "RUN FOR YOUR-"

SHUT UP!

[Iolo swings the weapon down, aims it at the crowd.]

None of you speak, please, until my demonstration is done.  Let me
introduce my companion, Shamino.  Shamino is a ranger, and a good
friend of mine.  He is also my assistant for this demonstration.

[Shamino turns his nose up as looks over at Iolo.]

Assistant?

[The bard leans over to whisper in Shamino's ear.]

Just play along.  We'll have our answer in no time.

<to the crowd>

Now, how many of you here believe it's the end of the world?

[A dozen or so hands go up in response.  Iolo bounces slightly,
looking over the respondents.]

Yes, well, you might well be right.  Things are very irregular around
here.  

"Irregular is being generous, Fitzowen!"

Quite so!  I agree.  

"We hear you hit a target dead on."

[Iolo smiles, waving the crossbow as he replies.]

I did.  Now-

[The crowd gasps, moving a bit back as the bard hops off the wagon and
pulls Shamino into the street.]

-my friend Shamino is going to help me with a little demonstration, as
I said.  What I need is for someone with a medical condition to step
up here and stand next to him.

[Shamino's eyes light up; he grins, bowing slightly as he motions for
someone to join him.]

Yes, by all means.  I would love some company.  Is there anyone with a
condition?

[A hand goes up.  Iolo peers.]

Well?

[An old man hobbles up, holding his elbow to the bard as he mumbles.]

I've got a problem with my elbow.  Had it ever since I was a lad.  I
can't stand it at all, hurts like an imp in my undergarments.

[Iolo nods, pulls the man into position next to Shamino.]

Now, what I am about to do may seem unorthodox, but it is nonetheless
going to be the most amazing feat of medicine you have ever seen.

[Loading the crossbow, Iolo steps back and takes aim at Shamino, who
stands between the bard and the old man.  The crowd takes a collective
breath, watching as Iolo looks along the sight and puffs.]

Now, as you can see, I have Shamino directly in my sights.  With one
squeeze, I can hit him and possibly cause bodily harm.  His side would
rupture, his organs would be heavily damaged, blood would come
spurting out, there'd be some definite trouble with vital fluids,
might even lose a lung right off the-

[Shamino widens his eyes, and glares briefly.]

Iolo.  Get *on* with it.

[Iolo takes the comment in stride, never skipping a beat as he pulls
the trigger into position.]

But that, my friends, will not happen.

<KA-THWACK>

<gaspgaspgasp>

<THUNK>

"AAAh!"

[The old man dances, holding his elbow in the air as he hops to and
fro.]

It's ... it's ...

<pause>

It's healed.  By Zog, it's healed!  My elbow's better!  I can't
believe it.

[The crowd applauds in approval, whistling and cheering as the bard
takes a bow for his performance.  Looking up to his audience, Iolo
clears his throat and motions again.]

Now, my friends, as you can tell, there are indeed strange things
going on.  My friend and I might be able to help things, but only if
you tell us where we might find the Avatar.  Have any of you seen him?

[The crowd grows quiet for a second or two; finally, a hand goes up.
Then two.  Then more.]

"I saw him down at Jerhan's warehouse earlier!"

"He was on his way to the Sailor's Delight, wasn't he?"

"No, he went to the docks!  Said something about not having much to
do!"

[Iolo and Shamino nod, smile at one another as they shake hands and
wave to the crowd.  Iolo holds the crossbow up a final time,
grinning.]

Now, I want to thank you for your-

"Hey, I've got a problem with my knee, can you help me with that?"

-well, I can't really do much more right now, I'm-

"I've got a powerful ringing in my ears, can you hit me in the head
and fix that?"

-no, I'm sorry, I have to-

"Cure my ugliness!"

-well, that's not really something I-

"Can you increase my bust size?"

"Hey, you're holding out on us!"

"Yeah, help us!"

- ... oh dear.

[Iolo looks at Shamino.]

Shamino, old friend?

[Shamino looks back.]

Yes?

[Iolo sniffs, puts his weapon down, and points to an adjoining road.]

Run.

[The two break for the escape route, with four dozen people a hair's
width behind them.]


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